I never fit in to any particular group very well. Though I had a knack for being a chameleon, at least for a while anyway. Eventually I began to wonder why and if more of us felt this way.
To those who knew me, I may not have looked like someone playing by the rules, as I often could be impulsive and do things as I saw fit. So I wasn’t a caricature out of a movie who simply went along with everything I was ever told. Far from it. And I’m sure you are not a cut out version of a personality either. Yet we can still find ourselves limiting our expression, hiding our vulnerability, and pretending who we are or how we feel. Pretending that is often so automatically ingrained that we don’t even realize we’re doing it. And we’re not sure of the way out, but that we can’t go on the way we’ve been. Because we became chronically ill or just plain empty feeling, lost, or going through the motions. Whatever the reasons, we want to know how to get back to that younger version of ourselves who had dreams, hope, and excitement for life. Or maybe our confidence and expression was crushed quite early on and we want to find our true self buried deeply in our innermost wishes. I have always felt things very deeply. The highs and the lows could be exhausting and exhilarating. For a long time, I assumed this was how everyone experienced the world. I was a highly sensitive person aware of my own pain and aware of the suffering of others. Yet I also remember experiencing days that felt nothing short of magical. Even in something as simple as a windy, autumn day. It was as if the air was alive and all my feelings finally had an outlet. There was a spark of excitement in the air and it almost felt like Life was speaking to me through the wind. I felt it so viscerally. But over time I came to believe that my sensitivity was not valued and that it would be to my advantage if I hid this part of myself. I learned that in order to belong, I should be smarter and tougher, faster and stronger, and not be too happy or too sad. Now there is nothing wrong with becoming wiser and more resilient and for that I (sometimes) thank the world I signed up to live in. But like many of us, I learned to play small and how to be pleasing in order to gain approval and love. I tried to play by the rules for as long as I could, until I just couldn’t anymore. Slowly I began to learn that belonging came with too high of a price. I was rejecting the very qualities that came naturally to me because I believed they made me weak. Yet as I began to put a higher priority and value on my sensitive qualities over the need to belong, I slowly, but surely began to find more people who valued the authentic me. Our need to belong is a survival instinct, so it’s not something that we need to judge ourselves or others for, since it is a quite natural need as a human. But something exciting happens when we decide to stop trying to be someone we think we should be or that others think we should be and put our own well-being, self-discovery, and expression at the top of our list. This is rarely an overnight process, as some Hollywood movies would indicate, but we can move the needle considerably once we begin to heal the protective layering. So if we know that we want to be authentic, why can’t we just be that? Why is it so hard to undo our habits of concealing our true self? Because we learned to survive and cope by not being true to ourself. And these coping mechanisms that kept us safe and occasionally gave us the feeling of being accepted and loved in the world are not going to just disappear without some unlearning and self-discovery. We can come to appreciate that part of us that is set on keeping us in the very safe boundaries, while strengthening our connection to the aspects that have been metered out in doses, like the quieter parts or the “too much” parts or the “not enough” parts. It’s very easy to look back on our life history and wonder how we missed what is now so obvious, like Monday morning quarterbacks reviewing our life choices. But if we find ourselves in this review stage, it is a good sign that we are about to take our hard-earned wisdom and create something new and promising. If you are interested in receiving assistance in order to gain clarity and support for connecting with your own inner GPS and true self, check out my services including an intuitive reading, a coaching package, or an upcoming class. Knowing who we are and having the confidence to express this is an essential component to dating, self-employment or business, career, or simply finding out what gives us a reason to get out of bed in the morning.
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AuthorIncarnate guide and mystic, energy healer, and animal communicator. ArchivesCategories |